Go, go, go.

Don’t hide your light under a bushel, right?

Every audition is a performance opportunity.

We know the advice: “You gotta put yourself out there.” “If at first you don’t succeed….” “Keep on keepin’ on.” We’ve heard this stuff so many times, it’s become cliche.

So why is it so dang hard to put ourselves out there time after time?

Well, I had an epiphany this year. I was at my own general audition at the Purple Rose. For those who don’t know, general auditions are held annually by professional theatres, in order to be considered for the following season’s shows. Typically you’re asked to bring one or two monologues, and sometimes 16 bars of a song if the theatre will be producing a musical.

So, in my prep for Purple Rose, I chose my monologue (always comedic for them). For weeks I muttered it in the car, the shower, washing dishes. The day of the audition, I stretched. I sang. I used my studio as my own giant private dressing room (fun). Between the day I signed up and the day I auditioned, I asked myself more than once: “Should I stay or should I go?”

Argh. What is the big deal? You just GO, I told myself. “Quit pushing me around,” I retorted. Yet, I knew the “just go” voice was aligned with my purpose for existence: to inspire others to do and be their best. How can I ask others to put themselves out there, if I don’t do the same? I am just as human and afraid and vulnerable. So, I went to inspire others to face their fears and have courage and take risks and embrace the possibility of success and heck, even redefine success as just showing up.

So I showed up. Gladly. Willingly. Excitedly. Because once I gave myself permission to cancel, I knew deep in my bones, in my heart, in my gut: I want to be here more than anything or anywhere in the world.

In the lobby, I stretched, lightly chatted with old friends, jumped some jacks, sat, breathed, muttered, breathed some more, and chilled. I was greeted by a couple of Purple Rose friends who knew some of my students had come in (I AM SO PROUD OF YOU GUYS!). I felt proud of my students, and of myself, and of all of the people who showed up. 

A firefighter friend of mine who is also a strong actor, asked on Facebook that day, why can he face burning buildings every day without flinching, but quake for a full minute while delivering his monologue for Guy? I hear ya, Friend.

But this year it was different for me. This year, I was Zen. This year, I felt joyful, present, excited, calm, glad, proud, brave, and strong. And Funny. After my brief interview with Guy (why’s it so dang hard to talk about yourself, right?), I gave myself a brand new, fully realized moment before. I looked around the room, at Guy, at the other auditors (resident artists at the Rose), at the seats, at the stage, and I thought, this is exactly where I want to be right now. I love it right here, on this stage, performing for people who care, for people who want me to succeed, for people who taught me to breathe and love and play. I want to perform on the Purple Rose stage, and here I am. Right now. 

I looked at a ceiling light, pictured my invisible scene partner, and started my monologue. I begged. I implored. I fought. I cajoled. I reasoned. I relaxed. I breathed. And I had so much fun.

I was connected with my audience of four. I breathed when they laughed. I relished my moments onstage at Purple Rose. I nailed it.

I learned something that day. About myself, and about inspiring you to be your best. By all means, go. But don’t just go because I told you to, or because you pushed yourself to do it, or because you read some great advice in an auditioning book. Go because you love it. Go because there is no place else you’d rather be. Go because you can’t not go. You have to do this because you are fully alive when you do.

So, perform for your one glorious minute on the stage you want to be on. If you don’t go, you’ll never get on that stage. If you do go, you’ll have lived and loved one memorable minute doing exactly what you love.

And chances are very good, that if you keep going, keep showing up, you’re gonna get a lot more minutes and hours and days and weeks right where you want them: onstage, bearing your soul for all. And enjoying every second of it.